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In a world that’s so chock-full of divorce, the question regarding the frequency of sex amid what should be marital bliss is definitely an important one. Men want to know how sex turns out after the wedding cake and whether or not there are warning signs beforehand.

To start, yes, sex will definitely change after marriage — especially if you’ve never lived with the woman you’re marrying.

why does it change?

The list can go on and on when it comes to why sex lives change after couples tie the knot. To begin, just the fact that you now live with this person will change even your own desire for the frequency of sex (it may go up or down depending on you).

And although some people tend to believe that sex after marriage should be richer and more satisfying (guilty), from what I’ve heard from married men and women alike, sex sometimes lacks priority.

Nevertheless, here are the most popular reasons why sex tends to take a backseat to the rest of your life after marriage:

New house
Chances are that, if you’re tying the knot, you’re going to have to live somewhere — together. And while her parents’ basement sounds great since it’s rent-free, it’s not an ideal abode. And with a new house comes new work and new financial responsibilities.

When she’s pregnant, she may not be in the mood or feel very sexy at all times. After the baby’s born, she may not be in the mood or feel very sexy at all times. Of course, between the feedings, the late-night crying and the constant fussing, both of you might not be in the mood or feel very sexy at all.

Now that the baby and the new house are underway, here comes an influx of shiny new bills to pay. Ain’t that great? I’m sure that makes you feel hot in your groin area. Right. So between working like an animal and giving up all your money to the man, chances are that a roll in the hay may not be at the top of your list of things to do.

She cleans, you cook. You have to buy groceries and she does the laundry. She changes the sheets, you take out the trash. All these everyday chores can sometimes get you down and rob you of your desire to be romantic.

Who farted?

Bodily habits

Yes, everyone — even women — farts and burps, and the things that exit our bodies don’t smell like roses either, and once you come face to face with these things, suddenly “sexy” isn’t the first adjective you’d use to describe your partner. It’s also difficult to adjust to seeing the woman you’ve always known as “perfect,” wearing green masks on her face and curlers in her hair. But neither of you can hide your grooming habits from each other forever.

Letting go
When people tend to get more comfortable in their relationships, say, 70 pounds more comfortable, and begin dressing like bums, chances are that sexual attraction may begin to lag. It’s natural to get more comfortable in a relationship, but letting go of yourself is like quitting. And no one likes a quitter.

It’s always there
If you love chocolate and your house is packed with the stuff, you won’t feel an aching desire to have it. But if you love chocolate and there was only one little piece left, suddenly that piece of chocolate becomes a hot commodity. This analogy can be applied to sex as well. When you have to hunt or work hard for it, it’s incredibly valuable, but when you know that your woman is there, ready for sex at your leisure, suddenly jumping her bones doesn’t become that challenging. It can wait, just like that leaky faucet.

making changes

So how can you ensure that your sex life will be as spicy hot as it was before you were married?

Before I get into that, guys who won’t have sex with their partners until marriage obviously won’t know what kind of lovemaking they’re going to end up with beforehand, but I urge you to discuss sex openly and honestly with your partner. Although people tend to think of sex as a bonus in marriage, those with an unsatisfying sex life tend to stray from the marriage or become miserable. Just make sure that you and your potential wife are on the same page when it comes to lovemaking.

Now, on to how you can keep the fires burning at home, even after that ring is on your finger, according to the different married folk I asked…

Plan dates
According to Joann, an account executive, who’s been married for 11 years and is a mother of two: “Every two weeks or so, set a date in which both of you have to get spiffed up and go on a romantic date. Whether you head out to a restaurant, a show or even a hotel bar, making dates with each other will give you both a reason to look good for one another and will ensure that you spend quality time together.”

Steve, father of three and married for 7 years said; “Discuss sex with your wife. Talk about what you like, what you desire, how you want to change your sex life, or what you love about it. Talk to her. Everyone has different sex drives; make sure that yours and hers are similar.”

Be spontaneous
Newlywed Sharon advises; “Although you don’t necessarily have to have spontaneous sex with her all the time, kissing her passionately for no reason other than because she turns you on will definitely make her feel sexy. Touch her, hold her, kiss her, and above all, make love with her.”

Use props
Marco, married for 15 years and with four children, remarks; “Movies can put a few ideas in her head and add some enticement to your sex lives. Imagine hearing another woman moaning in the background as you penetrate your wife. There’s no harm in trying. As well, head to a sex shop together and invest in some toys, outfits and lubrication. You won’t know what you like most until you try everything.”

Leave the bedroom
Kiki, married for five years, said; “Vanilla sex is great, but vanilla sex outdoors is even greater. And if you’re not the type to put your sex life out there, head to a bed and breakfast or even a seedy motel. A change of scenery will definitely provide an element of mystique.”

Try different sex
And finally, Kevin, whose nine-year marriage almost came to an end, said; “Start experimenting with positions, orifices and tempos. Test out a bunch of sex moves and try something new every time you make love until you discover what works best for you.”

sex will change

Of course, there’s no doubt that your sex life will change once you get married, but it doesn’t have to become non-existent or worse yet, a chore. Marriage itself isn’t easy, and as with every other element of it, if you want your sex life to remain a priority, you have to make it one.


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